Most of my life I spent wading in the dark.
And the worst… I didn’t even know it.
I thought life was good.
I had gotten citizenship.
I had traveled to over 30 countries.
I had an MBA. I had a successful business. Many happy clients. Many experiences. Living in beautiful places.
Having worked on 3 different continents in 3 different languages, having friends all over the world.
Living life on my own terms, doing whatever I wanted.
By all measures of the western world, I had lead a pretty cool life.
But I was as lost as can be; worst - completely unwilling to admit to my own confusion.
Maybe this will resonate – how do you know you are confused?
You are on a painful, emotional rollercoaster. Life feels like a burden, and there’s a lot of pressure.
You are doing everything you can to make yourself feel better and manage your feelings.
(For me, on top of being a mom and CEO of a 7-figure business, i was also a good meditator, breathworker, and religious gratitude journaler. I did the tapping, the workshops, the landmark, the hoffman, the medicine, meditation, journaling, endless affirmations, gratitudes, morning practices…)
Maybe you would like to think you have your purpose figured out but deep down you aren’t completely sure.
(Would say “wow, i am totally living life on purpose” but deep down, I know I was a little confused.)
If any of this resonates, that’s good.
Hopefully, it will. Being lost and confused is part of the human condition.
Here’s the good news. It’s by design and all of us find ourselves there.
It is exactly where we need to be.
Think about it.
We incarnated here to actually get lost. And hoped that we would find ourselves again.
We didn’t make it easy on ourselves.
We gave ourselves spiritual amnesia. We can’t remember why we are here, any of our past life history, or any of the agreements we made.
We cut ourselves from most of our divine connection.
And we gave ourselves a body and an ego that makes it so much harder.
The body needs to eat, and the ego is endlessly preoccupied with survival.
Everything is a problem, everyone is a danger. If someone doesn’t like us, we are immediately triggered.
So here we are.
Pretty brave of us.
We are practically wading in the dark, trying to figure out how to go back home.
We have one memory we did keep though. We know that home is where joy, peace, extacy, and love lives.
And so, the search for happiness begins.
But how we are trying to get there… ooooof.
Many, many wrong turns.
Very much a western medicine approach.
We are trying to get to happines by whack-a-moling the symptoms…. the unhappy feelings and thoughts.
Sadness - go away!! Anger- go away!! Fear - go away!! I dont’ want you! I want happiness.
I’m going to do everything I can to band-aid the symptoms of the problem - the unhappy feelings.
I’ll do zumba, I’ll drink, I will work out, I will smoke, I will do whatever I know to do.
When all along, those negative emotions were always there to show us something.
All along though, we are missing that this is just a symptom. These unhappy feelings were always just a compass to say:
“Hey hey!! Off track!!! Wrong turn!! You are aligning with the wrong stuff!! Question your values! Look in the mirror! Stop pretending!”
But we repressed them.
But divinity doesn’t give up on us.
We didn’t pay attention to emotions.
So the body started screaming.
We got chronic pain, autoimmune disease, diabetes, even cancer…
At this point, we should be sounding an alarm and going “wow, I have taken a really wrong turn somewhere.”
But instead, we go medicate and try to fix the body, instead of…
TO BE CONTINUED