I need more money

Uncategorized Nov 14, 2017

OH THE TOPICS I put on this blog that’s supposed to be about food. It gets dirtier by the minute. Next thing you know we’ll be talking about sex and religion! Just kidding. Maybe. We’ll see. This week I’m taking on MONEY.

I watched my mom always struggle and ‘not enough money’ was always the conversation at home, while my dad was avoiding discussion about money altogether. Money in my family was the dirty topic and subject of a lot of shame and blame.

I had it that i was a unique butterfly and everyone else’s family was ok, and we were the only ones struggling. Now, having gone through years of financial up and down struggles, I’m starting to look at why money causes so much stress in my life constantly. More so than my divorce, relationships, career, wellness. I’m qualified, smart and have a huge earning potential. I have an MBA from a top 15 college that I earned on a 75% scholarship.  I have worked on 3 continents in 3 languages. I know I can make 6 figures and be changing the world at the same time.. And yet, money causes nothing but stress for me.

Going back to my childhood, my mom would often complain about money and often get upset and stressed out around spending too much on things. And, as a teenager I developed a  huge judgment of my mom around it. ‘She’s greedy’.

Having just finished a book Byron Katie, I learned that the mind has a way of getting things right, just backwards, when it comes to judgments of others. In other words, whenever you have a harsh judgment about someone else, the opposite is usually true. Turns out, I’m the one who is greedy. I always ‘need more money’.

How many of you have that thought, ‘I need more money’, on a regular basis? And can you know, can you be 100% sure, that it’s true?

In my case, I understood that it isn’t, not in this moment it isn’t.

I came to this country with one suitcase and $20 to my name. This is no exaggeration. I could not afford to fly a second suitcase, so I downsized my life to a 30 lbs. I wound up fine. I was resourceful, I asked for help, got a job in the next 5 minutes, and within two months had a nice cushion. So no, even if I had $20 to my name right this second, I would figure it out. ‘I need more money’ isn’t reality. It’s neurons wiring and firing together. It’s a thought that occurs and creates stress in my life.

However, here is where this gets quite interesting. I wrote about confirmation bias recently. Our mind wants to be right.

All the time.

And not just about stuff like your political candidate being the right one, and seeing supporting evidence for it everywhere - while dismissing the counter evidence.

It likes to be right about our beliefs, too, which I mentioned. Of ourselves as well as of others.

Now here comes the interesting part. How do you think, do I make myself right, about ‘I need more money’?

I make myself right by never having enough. Because then, It is always true that ‘I need more money’.

Take a look at your life and how this might play out.

Here’s me.  The minute I start making good money,  I tend to end up losing or spending it quickly, just so that I can be back to status ‘I need more money’. I got my MBA and was making 6 figures at a large techn company. I remember distinctly feeling guilt about having that much money, compared what I was used to. I didn’t deserve that much money, I wasn’t working hard enough!! (another believe, you must work hard for the money!).

Of course the next logical step was to sabotage myself. The next thing i know, I’m opening a restaurant, possibly the worst industry for your chances of making a decent income, long hours, and a lot of ‘working hard’. I went from $100 or so an hour  to $2.53/hr as a restaurant owner (barely, but mostly making nothing), and in some crazy twisted sense I felt accomplished and I felt I was making what I deserved.

‘I need more money’, how could you possibly make yourself right about that? Take a look at your life:

Not asking for a raise?

Avoiding getting promoted?

Sabotaging your own promotion in some twisted way?

Not applying for high paying jobs?

Not paying yourself enough as a business owner?

Refusing to pay yourself ‘to save for worse times’?

Not charging enough for your services?

Overspending and shopping for stuff you don’t need?

If you are a solo-preneur - procrastinating on getting high paying clients?

I invite you to look a bit farther, and identify your inauthentic beliefs you have about money. Money is dirty, money is bad, rich people are bad and greedy.

Then, identify any beliefs you have about YOURSELF when it comes to making money. LIke..  ‘I can’t make money.’  ‘I’m greedy.’  ‘I don’t deserve money.’  ‘I always lose money.’  ‘I can’t keep track of money.’.. etc.

Write me back or comment below what showed up. I haven’t quite resolved this issue for myself and I invite your sharing!!

Love you guys <3 !! Thanks for reading.



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