The prosecutor and the victim and the rescuer triangle… here we go again!!
If there is ONE thing you can give up that will shoot your leadership ability over 10 levels higher, it is being 100% responsible for not participating in the Karpman Drama Triangle.
What is it?
It’s the rescuer - prosecutor - victim model.
I have been fascinated with this for years, because it is one of the most powerful tools to help you surrender your biggest leadership blocks and move your business and life to a whole other level.
So, bare with me for a minute, because this is pretty important to really understand.
Whenever there is a victim in the room, you are BOUND to have a prosecutor, and/or a rescuer in the room.
The victim is, well, victimized, disempowered, martyring, and unwilling to step into her power and own it. She gets a juice out of it (there’s always a payoff!! ), the pity party of how difficult life is, and the juice of getting the rescuers around to help, the juice of poor me.
The prosecutor gets annoyed and snappy with the helpless victims. In a business it looks like ‘Scoff.. Let me just do it myself, it will be faster that way’. The juice, the payoff, is feeling superior and the sense of control. The cost is, well, supporting the victim in being a victim.
Then the rescuer arrives on the scene, to save the poor victim from the mean prosecutor. The juice is moral superiority, the cost is, again, keeping the victim being a victim.
Lots of leaders make the mistake of confusing leadership with prosecutorship or rescuership.
You can’t rescue, help, and save and lead at the same time. Those are NOT compatible. Leading is EMPOWERING people.
When you jump in to help and rescue, you aren’t leading and empowering, you are disempowering and keeping victims stuck.
When you make people wrong and prosecute, again, you aren’t leading and empowering, you are keeping victims stuck.
Here is a question for you to see how YOU react to victims. What is YOUR leadership vulnerability?? Let me ask you this:
When you see someone really, really uncomfortable on stage… What’s your reaction?
Do you tend to smile, nod, and want to save them and rescue them and want to make them feel comfortable?
Or, do you get really annoyed, almost angry, and want to roll your eyes and walk away?
(I am more likely to get annoyed, frankly; the prosecutor is MY vulnerability).
Then you fall into the first category, then rescuer is your go-to vulnerability in leadership. You have to realize that by rescuing you aren’t being helpful. you may ‘feel’ helpful, but you are only helping the victim to stay being a victim.
If the second, then you are prone to the prosecutor. Same thing here. You just make people scared of you, you aren’t empowering anyone.
For those of you who still think saving and rescuing people is a good thing, I want to put this on the Hawkins map consciousness for you.
The victim calibrates at 180, at the level of pride, below 200 - the beginning level of truth and integrity, therefore destructive.
The prosecutor calibrates at 185, at the level of pride, below 200 - the beginning level of truth and integrity, therefore destructive.
The rescuer calibrates at 190, at the level of pride, below 200 - the beginning level of truth and integrity, therefore destructive.
So there it is… .
The ‘helpfulness’ of the rescuer is destructive. It’s a mere FALSE sense of moral superiority, but in the end keeping others stuck and generally damaging.
I’ve had years of relationships that calibrated at 190, people just saving each other. Including my former marriage. It took a divorce to move that relationship above the level of integrity and give up the saving and rescuing each other.