By this time you are probably used to my blog posts are raw at times. I like making a difference with others through sharing my own journey and being as honest about it as I can.
I want to share with you some of my own journey of learning to accept and appreciate my body, and take responsibility for some of my old blog posts from 2012 when I did focus ‘looking good’ as the motivation and reason you should go paleo.
It’s not that long ago when i was obsessed with the way I looked, and not in a good way. I would literally notice something wrong with my body tens of times throughout the day. I began talking to other women and friends and started getting I’m not a unique unicorn in my body shaming. And interestingly enough, beautiful women don’t struggle any less. It’s pretty much a universal theme.
Turns out, we, women, like to hate on our bodies.
I realized that I have spent my entire life doing that. It started when I was 10 years old, and I saw my mom putting on make-up just to take out trash. I couldn’t stand my natural hair color and the wavy mess of a friz (you never see me with my hair down do you? I can tell you I wish head scarves were a bit more in fashion), my skin tone, as a teenager I was putting powder on my face 10 times the day to cover up the shine. I couldn’t stand the way my eyes were set deep and the dark circles. My big nose, my chin. My thighs, my cellulite. And I could always, always, always be thinner (and when the trend hit, more toned), something. I couldn’t stand my own voice, the way I talk, my accent later in life.
At some point I remember having a thought that people only want to talk to me when I die my hair lighter and am thinner.
I lived like that was the truth and collected evidence for it.
You can guess how that went in my intimate relationships. Isn’t candlelight so great? What they can’t see they can’t judge. And it never even occurred to me that my partner’s judgment (which actually wasn’t even there, It was mostly just made up), was not something I was responsible for managing and needed to resist at all cost. Their perceived judgment of me and my body was as real for me as the chair I am sitting on. And when they said nothing, i made up that it must be because they are busy judging.
What’s even more interesting is that I began to notice that we do tend to get some sort of reward from all the self criticism too.
If I wasn’t getting something out of it, why would I be doing that?
If I’m so not good enough, how can you expect anything from me? (clearly this doesn’t just apply to body image)
I’m just this - always a little fat-, not terribly bright, strange accented, DEFINITELY not a leader, kind of gal; somewhat awkward, WHY SHOULD I be the one responsible for anything? Including my own impact on others? What impact you are talking about anyway, people like me don’t have any… right?? ;-)
Anyway. There’s something i need to take responsibility for. In the past, out of my own insecurities, I was encouraging people to go paleo -- in order to look good. I want to apologize to anyone who was reading my old blog or participated in my online coaching programs programs who started feeling insecure about their body fat %. Some of those posts are still out there and people love them; I want you to proceed with caution. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to achieve a certain look on its own. I just want people to do it, and, love their body the way it is at the same time, not out of a need to fix and change it.
I want to encourage you to start noticing and setting aside all the self body shaming and begin loving your body in all the ways it is and all the ways it is not. I am a stand for people being healthy and happy. Not healthy and insecure.
Let’s work out - to be vital, fit, and healthy!