The vaccine conversation has been very healing for me. (As it's designed to.)
I live with one foot in both worlds equally, surrounded by friends who are on both sides, the pro and the anti, and I realized that I have been carrying a lot of grief.
I hate it when people get dug in, justified, and make the other side wrong calling them evil/controlling/stupid/selfish/inconsiderate - whichever side that is.
When someone would go on a rant about how the vaccine is the non-negotiable, the evil, I would immediately feel entrapped in the wrong conversation…
… just wanting to get the hell out, protecting myself from the deep grief of separation.
I would think, "this person doesn't care about me, they just want to milk their positionalities."
This too is ancient stuff and it's working on me.
As a child, I had a parent who was very justified and right about things, and I remember so many times feeling unheard, alone, unloved, and frustrated and wishing they would just for a second open her heart instead of being right.
But as we know, choosing being right over happy is part of the human condition and kind of a must-go-through.
This whole covid deal is working things out of us that we can't take with us.
Unconditionally loving means unconditionally loving… without a barometer of who got it right and who didn't.
We all have to look and see what gift this is offering. The only way out is through.
And the only way through is accepting all the parts that come up.
It's okay to have anger about people doing the stupid thing, whatever that is.
It's okay to have outrage about being told what to do.
It's okay to have fear of being shamed for making the wrong choice.
It's okay to have a justified part that can't possibly get how the other side arrived at those conclusions.
It's okay to have fear of confrontation about any of it.
And on and on…
I said “have” not “be”. We are not our outrage, or grief, or opinions.
These things are not our identity, just aspects of us designed to protect an old trauma.
Our soul is full of love and forgiveness and acceptance for ALL the humaning, however “wrong” it may appear to the ego.
When we say “I have extreme outrage, and I need to give her some love,” we find our way home.