All the pain... turns into gold...

Uncategorized Mar 02, 2022

"I am not a people pleaser, I am more of a steamroller", said I, to myself, some time ago.

Boy was I wrong.

On Thursday, I had a really incredible conversation with Resa Eisen, one of our dear clients, by the way, a true real deal expert with decades of work turning people pleasers into authentic, happy, confident, powerful beings.

In her energy field, I tuned into things that would just in a few hours produce a complete miraculous transformation in my life.

I want to share bits of this conversation.

----

Remember the last time you begged someone to stay?

Maybe it was the boyfriend who was trying to break up with you.

Maybe it was the key employee who was trying to quit.

Maybe it was your child wanting to move to the other parent.

Maybe it was an unhappy client.

When that happens, our sense of safety and security gets threatened to our very core.

...

Our sense of belonging goes into alarm.

The system gets hijacked.

And we go into a mode of APPEASING.

We appease, we tolerate, we people please, we say what we want them to hear.

And in the process, we sell our soul and our freedom.

...

I will never forget the day when the biological father of my daughter decided to leave me.

(4 days into finding out I was pregnant).

I asked…

Please don't leave. Not like this.

I negotiated.

I manipulated. I people pleased.

I reasoned.

I chased him around.

I cried. I begged.

My anxiety was 10/10. Survival mechanism. 

I could only think about one thing: how do I stop him from leaving?

That day, I abandoned myself and lost a piece of my freedom. I didn't even know what I wanted, who I was, and whether I even wanted him in my life. 

All that was important was that he would not abandon me.

Did it work?

Of course not. I have not heard from him for 2.8 years. My daughter is now 2.

...

I remember when a key employee, who was also a member of my family, left my company in 2021.

I asked.

Please don't leave like this; let's talk through it.

I negotiated.

I reasoned.

I people pleased.

That day, I  abandoned myself and lost another piece of my freedom.

...

Those are pretty strong experiences, and once in a while only.

Right?

Wrong.

We abandon our souls daily.

We compromise our freedom daily.

Every time we do something to gain approval and validation.

When we don't say something to keep people from being unhappy.

When someone flakes out on us and we say “oh that’s okay don’t worry about it” (and that was the 3rd time they flaked.)

When we do things to make people comfortable.

Little by little…

We lose a piece of ourselves.

----

The good news is that all the pain turns into gold once we start the process.

The process of merging ourselves back has been, for me, the process of:

#1. Complete willingness to lose everything.

A business,

A client,

A contractor,

An employee,

Or ANY relationship.

Willingness to risk it all, and put INTEGRITY and AUTHENTICITY first.

No matter the cost.

Sometimes that means breaking our own hearts. If that is what it takes.

But would you rather suffer for a few short, perhaps long, moments?

Or compromise your soul?

The choice is ours.

We take our power back, and never compromise ourselves again,

and we do it with love.

#2. FEEL IT ALL. Willingness to feel it all, with our hearts, in its entirety.

That is all that is required to heal the most profound wounds.

Thank you for listening.

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